In a shadowy back alley in Bayshore, New York, a young mother sought shelter from a raging thunder storm in a discarded refrigerator box. Knowing she'd be delivering her firstborn any moment, she desperately sought any dry place she could find in order to prepare for the impending arrival of this precious new life. It wasn't long after crawling inside the makeshift delivery room that her loins burst asunder in a confluence of amniotic fluid and placental tissue. The spasms had brought forth into the world baby boy. As she lovingly cleaned the infant of the sticky afterbirth with a dew rag emblazoned with a Harley Davidson logo, she held him up to examine him more closely in the only source of light available in the alley, that of the hospital window directly above her Fridgedaire neo natal unit. The young woman could see in the faint glow that her new son was healthy and possessed a full compliment of the requisite appendages. As she held him to her breast, she whispered his name to him, the only gift other than life she could give. "Napoleon," she cooed in his ear...

Meanwhile, in the room whose window provided the ambient light for the back alley refrigerator box miracle, Scott Maxim was rather uneventfully born to parents who had the foresight to plan a pregnancy and carry it through properly. Weighing in at just over 8 pounds, he was the second-largest baby born at Bayshore Hospital that March 24th, which weirdly experienced 25 consecutive dwarf births prior to Scott's. The only child other than Scott born that day that not destined to eternally shop for clothing in the junior's department was the half-Chinese, illegitimate love child of Wilt Chamberlain and his masseuse. Indeed, it was a "happy ending" that day for both the Maxims and The Stilt's "Baby Mamma."

Scott's love for cartoons began quite literally while still in the crib. His mother happened upon a morning routine that enabled her to extend her sleep for at least two hours every morning. After she bid her husband farewell for work, she wheeled Scott's crib in front of the TV and left him with his bottle, a box of Cheerios and "Popeye the Sailor," "Bugs Bunny" and "Speed Racer" blazing away on the black and white cathode ray tube. Arguments have raged within the family for decades as to whether or not this constituted child abuse, and by today's standards, it probably did. However, these early images negligently imprinted upon the impressionable youngster's psyche had a lasting effect that led to a lifetime of cartoon production and a profound inability to connect emotionally with women that don't look like Daphne from "Scooby Doo."

Throughout Scott's school career, his cartooning skills continued to develop. His early work consisted mostly of puns centering around "poopies" and other bodily functions. With time and continued artistic maturity, he eventually developed a talent, and something of an infamous reputation, for mocking the faculty of various schools he attended. Scott knew he had made it as a cartoonist when his mockery of Vice-Principal Kincade of Quail Hollow Middle School was the hit of the playground art circuit. "The Incredible Kink," a somewhat crudely drawn pencil sketch that combined aspects of "The Incredible Hulk" and the aforementioned Vice-Principal, was an instant hit among all grade levels and the most photocopied piece of student art that year. It was followed by the equally popular "Deadly Dannelly," a sketch about the school's Principal that incorporated excessive flatulence as it's theme.

Scott's first true experience as a daily newspaper cartoonist began at West Virginia University in the fall of 1989 when Scott started production of his strip entitled "The Wildlife" for the student newspaper "The Daily Athenaeum." This cartoon was a daily reflection of college living that proved to be popular among the 25,000+ students attending WVU, though not quite popular enough to enable Scott to get laid by a coed named Shaney he lusted for since day one of freshman orientation.

At WVU, Scott perfected the cartooning skills that would eventually lead to national news headlines on the AP Wire and in "USA Today." In a storyline that centered around a school field trip going to a gay bar to learn homosexual tolerance, Scott managed to completely piss off West Virginia University's gay population and get his cartoon temporarily yanked from the paper. Ironically, those who had his strip censored displayed an incredible lack of tolerance of his opinion, and at that point Scott became convinced of one thing: His opinion mattered!! Surely, if a collected body of politically correct myrmidons was trying to silence him, it just stood to reason that the subject matter of his cartoon was dangerous to their agenda.

This collegiate brouhaha became the bedrock upon which Scott built his current strip "Geeks On Caffeine." In this cartoon, Scott has dedicated himself to spreading his conservative philosophy, destroying political correctness, exposing the folly of American celebrities and lampooning anything the masses find popular. "Geeks On Caffeine" is Scott's labor of love and one he hopes will eventually enable him to make enough money as a full-time cartoonist to live a comfortable life in suburban America with a Vietnamese, mail order trophy wife.

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